DAWN
P.W. Elverum & Sun / Buenaventura Press
It Wasn't The Hunting
Cold Mountain
Moon Sequel
I Have Been Told That My Skin Is Exceptionally Smooth
I Say "No"
Moon, I Already Know
With My Hands Out
A Show Of Hands
Wooly Mammoth's Mighty Absence
My Burning
Great Ghosts
Climb Over
We Squirm
Voice In Headphones
Who?
Dead Of Night
See Me
Log In The Waves
Goodbye Hope
It Wasn’t the Hunting
I'll go gather wood
What I do, I'll do good
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
It was not the hunting that led me there
It was the ice in my hair,
And the wind from the western mansion,
And the mist from the eastern lodge,
It was the night's long lying
I'll find someone new
And I will not treat them like you do
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
I hold the fingers firm and fair
I'll crack open streams
And I'll heat the water to clean
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
It was my own heart that led me there
It was the way I saw wolves' tracks
Left the lair and just went back
It was my new baby’s stare
Cold Mountain
Open handed, I tried to live among all people, ideas aloft
Open handed, I read the books, I learned the histories, I sang the songs
Until mountains bellowed that my friends are flawed
And not to forget sorrow and all the other gods,
And that my mouth was dirty and that my ears were clogged,
Of course that I'm flawed also
And then it stopped
Open handedness had me in its grasp,
Running around frantically, trying to show off my open hands
"Hope, unhand me," I finally yelped
"Let me dwell on bad news, let me wallow in it"
So came long nights and hunkering down
And there stood Cold Mountain with its trickling sound
When I reached the summit, I made no camp
But I unrolled my sleeping bag in the stream
And let the cold water pour in my ears
Moon Sequel
And when I talked to my friends and find out that you're having fun
That you're swallowing life, that you're in the sun
That you're fucking around, that you're growing a new one
I bellow out my voice, I yell out loud
I have my shirt off in front of a crowd
I tell 'em about you, and how you're gone
But am I lying?
Don't I have you in my mind the entire time?
Yeah, I can leave all the places we went
But I can't leave without my bones you bent
So I bobble alone
And now it's me who's gone
And now it's me who has your fear of opening hearts
And all the false starts we could tear hope apart
With all this deep gouging and biting back
With the way that you get all my friends in the sack
“What's left?” I scream, as I look up at night
Where the novelty has worn off of the blue moonlight
“Who cares?” And I roll on the ground
“What gives?” I yell and there's no answering sound
And there's nobody around
And there my answer was found
I Have Been Told That My Skin Is Exceptionally Smooth
Should there be songs?
Should my hair be long?
Should my stare be strong?
Do nightmares belong on the prairie at dawn?
Do I dare to fawn over fair-faced blonds?
Should there be bonds to their hair undrawn?
Should my prayers be bronze?
Are affairs so wrong?
I have been told that my skin is exceptionally smooth
But what good is that when to get to my heart,
You have to crawl through tight tunnels of sharp rock?
I Say “No”
Some people say, "Arise! Arise! Arise! Live friend live!"
I say die
I say shade yourself
I say shine what precious light you have into caves,
And when it dies out, stay in there
I say find life where you foolishly saw graves
Some people say to "Try and try and try, fight and save yourself!"
I say give
I say send them off
I say shed whatever husk if you are ripe,
And if you're not, be fragrant then
I say give
No matter how it hurts, give in
Some people say "The sky! The sky! The sky! Have you noticed it?"
I close my eyes, I say nothing now
There's a ringing in my ears that's faint and high,
And when I listen close to it, it says:
" "
Moon, I Already Know
Moon, I already know I'm small on the ground
I roll around and feel menacing mountains
And all depths of sorrow dwarf me,
All towering terrors of mine to cower below
I know, I know, I know already
So don't look at me like that and then duck behind clouds
I know I'm small and that I have no idea
I know, I know, I know
Let me be dumb again, let food drip off my chin
Let me think you're a light, please
Please let me sleep through the night unknowing
Let me close eyes
With My Hands Out
I want to go back across that sea with my hands out
And I will rise from the water
And though I'm cold and wet, I will be clean
I want come back from this robbery with my hands up
And lie down and be handcuffed
Take me
Dripping wet
Just try and hold me
I am dripping wet and limp
A Show of Hands
"What do you love?"
I love it so much!
"What do you love so much?"
I love it so much!
"What do you love?"
I love it so much!
It takes withholding
"What do you hide?"
Just look at my face and know that I won't tell
"What do you love?"
Know that I can't say it, for it has no name
I can't try to display it or even start to explain
"What do you want?"
Just hold out your hands
"What do you want with them?"
Just a show of hands
"What will you do?"
I love it so much
It takes withholding
It gives while holding
Wooly Mammoth’s Mighty Absence
Quickly forgetting was the way I lived my life
Try telling me your name or try telling me "don't worry"
Everything I knew would quickly wither and die
And all echoes would be buried in the sound of living,
The sound of my feet on the sidewalk
That was me--treasure hunting, I would bury what I found
That was me--the gold digger, underground
Quickly forgotten was that forgetful way of life
When I left home, when I lived as if I'd died
Sitting on a rock and doing nothing
Alone for so long, in the dark, I found my sight
There your name was, written large in letters bright
And there my faith was
"Worry not" declared the night
In the great void of my life, I could feel the shape of what was missing
Like the way the woolly mammoth stands so tall and bold in our minds
I was shaken at the size of my cry
And the true love it described
I know day is dawning now and so ends my holy night
It's back to the world I go, back to the girls and shows,
And other worldly woes, and their unfurling flows
Will I carry myself slowly enough to remember?
I sit on a dark rock doing nothing still, just crowded
And there's the love in flesh and bones
My Burning
Flame upon flame upon flame,
Reaching out to wrap around my reaching arm
That's how life got to be among my friends
I wanted her so bad
I waited around in a burning down house,
Hoping for phone calls
Totally scalding and scarred, I woke up in a pile of ash
Grave beyond grave beyond grave
Stretching out to horizons on all sides
That's how life got to be among my friends
Dead or alive, I buried them all
I wanted her so bad
As revenge for my burning, I burned the whole world
And was warm for a little while
Great Ghosts
I had my hopes of how I would be after living in exile
After closing your eyes to me
I even wrote scenes where I reemerged boldly
Bearded, alive, with eskimo eyes
New baby on my back, but from where?
But I didn't count the fact that I have ghosts in my mind
Stowaways, great ghosts of my life
Great ghosts of old wives
And they're howling
So I spent my wilderness time rolling on the ground
Pulling my hair, and wrestling them off
Yelling at no one, punching snow
I gathered ghosts and I gave them my lecture
I bid them away, I pleaded and cried
I said, “There's no room in my life for you, or you,
Or your howling
Let me undo these ropes and go on living without you
And not just change where we live
Go on get,” I said
I had my hopes about how I would be after sending them off,
After getting set free
But there's no such thing as living without their prowling
As you can see, having descended the hill,
I still look like me, I still wallow like Phil
And forever will
I'm teeming with ghosts and I'm still whining for wives,
Knitting my brow
But now I've surrendered
In fact, I have joined in
Hear us howling
Climb Over
Come over, climb over
Get over, get on
Climb over the hill to where you hope to find nothing
Find it teeming with gold in the light
Be disappointed and glum, beat yourself like a drum
Yell out, "Who stole my silent night?"
Call in sorrow, your friend, ask her where has she been
And where does she head, left or right
Call compassion in, ask him "How are your kids?
And where are you guys crawling tonight?"
Bring hope along, tell her “Sing, you, a song”
Have her sing of her travels and flights
In fact, go ahead and call all travelers
Keep trying vainly to gather
Which direction things are headed and why
They won't tell you where they go, they know you
They know that you stupidly hope to evade them
They say, "You can try
You will keep trying
And you'll be right on the verge until you die
And then you'll find you will never find a place to hide"
We Squirm
Do you seriously believe that you will not be a prisoner?
Do you insistently try over and over to seem free in your life
In the ways you treat your loves, and delights, and your troubles, and fights, and me?
Well let me say “Yeah, go ahead and try”
But I say you will be captive along with me
We're stuck in the muck of our hearts
And the fear that we'll find that these feelings of ours start to seem like bars
So we squirm and sink deeper
Yes we wriggle into jail cells
But I say let feelings hold you
I say embrace your captors,
I say get to know them deep
Have no news you won't hear
Have no truths you won't tear
No hope that you'll find freedom
From your tyrant heart
Voice in Headphones
I'll no longer hide it
Yes, you move me to tears over and over
Every time I get it settled, you excite it
Every time I get my face dry, you sing
“It's not meant to be a strife
It's not meant to be a struggle uphill”
Now I know, so now I’ll no longer fight it
I’ll say, “Come on in little floating head at the door”
Who are you? Who are you, who has come to fill this room?
Well come on, welcome in
I'll no longer hide it
Yes, the way you say it stirs me to the core
Every time, no matter what, no matter who I think you are
Every time I hear you say “undo,” I do
And the tears fall
And the universe is shown
But who are you, voice in headphones?
Who?
What do I want with my life now that you're gone?
I want your ghost gone
What do I want with this wood now that it's sawn?
I want the stump gone and the land that it grew on
Oh black lagoon, you have my shoe, so I go shoeless
I go muddy, crawling through
Oh, what do I want with my home now that I'm gone?
I want the shades drawn and the overgrown lawn
I would gladly abandon a limb in the trap's jaw,
Just as long as I crawl on with no trapper to call on
Thorough and true, by stem and root, I know no one now
Now I say "Who?"
Dead of Night
I woke up in the dead of night
Oh, I die
No light, no shape, no sound but I
I was wide-eyed but saw nothing
Kneeling down, feeling around
I felt the fur of something
In total dark I felt the sleeping thing up
From tail to claws, from neck to fangs
It was the black wolf they call “Nothing”
And by its side, I curled and lied
I died into sleeping soundlessly
When I woke there was nothing beside me, of course
And the world was lit and growing
But I said "I know you're there, I feel your stare,
I feel your breathing blowing,
See your gnashing teeth and falling leaves,
Your beady eyes in apples glowing
Oh dead of night, hidden from sight
I know you are no dream
And I'm not dozing
See Me
I was a log in the waves last time you saw me
End over end, I was thrown
I endlessly groaned, "Hold my hand, won't someone come surf me?"
And of course no one came
You stood and watched the wash of water
Wedge me hopelessly into the sea wall
And there I stayed and quickly decayed,
Then we all swapped molecules
Now with the wave of my hand, I command you to see me
I'm more like a mountain this time, unmoving alpine decked in fog,
I'm concealed in snow clouds
You're the farmer below
And if you've seen my face once then through twelve cloudy months,
You will know I am there, behind curtains
You'll know mountain light
Through thickness of night
See me
Log in the Waves
Broken hearted and sad, I walk upright:
A dumb ape in a world of dumb apes,
A log in the waves
Knowing sorrow's always beside me, I walk upright
"O, crown of light!" I sometimes say,
"I know you're grand, but I must not forget my wife,
So I hold her hand"
And with the wide eyes sorrow brings, we see it all
Like logs in the waves, effortless through oceans squalls
And we know storms are relentless
So?
So are we
We will not leave
Sadness, my wife, and I are honest with each other
And in mornings, I reach my hand under the quilt,
Where she hides, to tickle her feet
And at my touch, she cracks a smile
Goodbye Hope
Hello my air, goodbye hope
Goodbye, also, to your ambushes
I say "goodbye ghost"
And watch it turn to white air,
Where I shine and float
Hello darkest fear, goodbye eyes-closed
In the lonely, lonely, lonely night,
In the long shadows, I fell to my knees in tears
And said "Sweetheart, hello"
Hello my heart, yes, goodbye hope
You know we will go steady
Say "Goodbye" and "No"
You'll find me fanning out my warm unfolding hands
Blindly let me go
It Wasn't The Hunting
Cold Mountain
Moon Sequel
I Have Been Told That My Skin Is Exceptionally Smooth
I Say "No"
Moon, I Already Know
With My Hands Out
A Show Of Hands
Wooly Mammoth's Mighty Absence
My Burning
Great Ghosts
Climb Over
We Squirm
Voice In Headphones
Who?
Dead Of Night
See Me
Log In The Waves
Goodbye Hope
It Wasn’t the Hunting
I'll go gather wood
What I do, I'll do good
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
It was not the hunting that led me there
It was the ice in my hair,
And the wind from the western mansion,
And the mist from the eastern lodge,
It was the night's long lying
I'll find someone new
And I will not treat them like you do
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
I hold the fingers firm and fair
I'll crack open streams
And I'll heat the water to clean
And when I have it in my fingers,
I hope I know
It was my own heart that led me there
It was the way I saw wolves' tracks
Left the lair and just went back
It was my new baby’s stare
Cold Mountain
Open handed, I tried to live among all people, ideas aloft
Open handed, I read the books, I learned the histories, I sang the songs
Until mountains bellowed that my friends are flawed
And not to forget sorrow and all the other gods,
And that my mouth was dirty and that my ears were clogged,
Of course that I'm flawed also
And then it stopped
Open handedness had me in its grasp,
Running around frantically, trying to show off my open hands
"Hope, unhand me," I finally yelped
"Let me dwell on bad news, let me wallow in it"
So came long nights and hunkering down
And there stood Cold Mountain with its trickling sound
When I reached the summit, I made no camp
But I unrolled my sleeping bag in the stream
And let the cold water pour in my ears
Moon Sequel
And when I talked to my friends and find out that you're having fun
That you're swallowing life, that you're in the sun
That you're fucking around, that you're growing a new one
I bellow out my voice, I yell out loud
I have my shirt off in front of a crowd
I tell 'em about you, and how you're gone
But am I lying?
Don't I have you in my mind the entire time?
Yeah, I can leave all the places we went
But I can't leave without my bones you bent
So I bobble alone
And now it's me who's gone
And now it's me who has your fear of opening hearts
And all the false starts we could tear hope apart
With all this deep gouging and biting back
With the way that you get all my friends in the sack
“What's left?” I scream, as I look up at night
Where the novelty has worn off of the blue moonlight
“Who cares?” And I roll on the ground
“What gives?” I yell and there's no answering sound
And there's nobody around
And there my answer was found
I Have Been Told That My Skin Is Exceptionally Smooth
Should there be songs?
Should my hair be long?
Should my stare be strong?
Do nightmares belong on the prairie at dawn?
Do I dare to fawn over fair-faced blonds?
Should there be bonds to their hair undrawn?
Should my prayers be bronze?
Are affairs so wrong?
I have been told that my skin is exceptionally smooth
But what good is that when to get to my heart,
You have to crawl through tight tunnels of sharp rock?
I Say “No”
Some people say, "Arise! Arise! Arise! Live friend live!"
I say die
I say shade yourself
I say shine what precious light you have into caves,
And when it dies out, stay in there
I say find life where you foolishly saw graves
Some people say to "Try and try and try, fight and save yourself!"
I say give
I say send them off
I say shed whatever husk if you are ripe,
And if you're not, be fragrant then
I say give
No matter how it hurts, give in
Some people say "The sky! The sky! The sky! Have you noticed it?"
I close my eyes, I say nothing now
There's a ringing in my ears that's faint and high,
And when I listen close to it, it says:
" "
Moon, I Already Know
Moon, I already know I'm small on the ground
I roll around and feel menacing mountains
And all depths of sorrow dwarf me,
All towering terrors of mine to cower below
I know, I know, I know already
So don't look at me like that and then duck behind clouds
I know I'm small and that I have no idea
I know, I know, I know
Let me be dumb again, let food drip off my chin
Let me think you're a light, please
Please let me sleep through the night unknowing
Let me close eyes
With My Hands Out
I want to go back across that sea with my hands out
And I will rise from the water
And though I'm cold and wet, I will be clean
I want come back from this robbery with my hands up
And lie down and be handcuffed
Take me
Dripping wet
Just try and hold me
I am dripping wet and limp
A Show of Hands
"What do you love?"
I love it so much!
"What do you love so much?"
I love it so much!
"What do you love?"
I love it so much!
It takes withholding
"What do you hide?"
Just look at my face and know that I won't tell
"What do you love?"
Know that I can't say it, for it has no name
I can't try to display it or even start to explain
"What do you want?"
Just hold out your hands
"What do you want with them?"
Just a show of hands
"What will you do?"
I love it so much
It takes withholding
It gives while holding
Wooly Mammoth’s Mighty Absence
Quickly forgetting was the way I lived my life
Try telling me your name or try telling me "don't worry"
Everything I knew would quickly wither and die
And all echoes would be buried in the sound of living,
The sound of my feet on the sidewalk
That was me--treasure hunting, I would bury what I found
That was me--the gold digger, underground
Quickly forgotten was that forgetful way of life
When I left home, when I lived as if I'd died
Sitting on a rock and doing nothing
Alone for so long, in the dark, I found my sight
There your name was, written large in letters bright
And there my faith was
"Worry not" declared the night
In the great void of my life, I could feel the shape of what was missing
Like the way the woolly mammoth stands so tall and bold in our minds
I was shaken at the size of my cry
And the true love it described
I know day is dawning now and so ends my holy night
It's back to the world I go, back to the girls and shows,
And other worldly woes, and their unfurling flows
Will I carry myself slowly enough to remember?
I sit on a dark rock doing nothing still, just crowded
And there's the love in flesh and bones
My Burning
Flame upon flame upon flame,
Reaching out to wrap around my reaching arm
That's how life got to be among my friends
I wanted her so bad
I waited around in a burning down house,
Hoping for phone calls
Totally scalding and scarred, I woke up in a pile of ash
Grave beyond grave beyond grave
Stretching out to horizons on all sides
That's how life got to be among my friends
Dead or alive, I buried them all
I wanted her so bad
As revenge for my burning, I burned the whole world
And was warm for a little while
Great Ghosts
I had my hopes of how I would be after living in exile
After closing your eyes to me
I even wrote scenes where I reemerged boldly
Bearded, alive, with eskimo eyes
New baby on my back, but from where?
But I didn't count the fact that I have ghosts in my mind
Stowaways, great ghosts of my life
Great ghosts of old wives
And they're howling
So I spent my wilderness time rolling on the ground
Pulling my hair, and wrestling them off
Yelling at no one, punching snow
I gathered ghosts and I gave them my lecture
I bid them away, I pleaded and cried
I said, “There's no room in my life for you, or you,
Or your howling
Let me undo these ropes and go on living without you
And not just change where we live
Go on get,” I said
I had my hopes about how I would be after sending them off,
After getting set free
But there's no such thing as living without their prowling
As you can see, having descended the hill,
I still look like me, I still wallow like Phil
And forever will
I'm teeming with ghosts and I'm still whining for wives,
Knitting my brow
But now I've surrendered
In fact, I have joined in
Hear us howling
Climb Over
Come over, climb over
Get over, get on
Climb over the hill to where you hope to find nothing
Find it teeming with gold in the light
Be disappointed and glum, beat yourself like a drum
Yell out, "Who stole my silent night?"
Call in sorrow, your friend, ask her where has she been
And where does she head, left or right
Call compassion in, ask him "How are your kids?
And where are you guys crawling tonight?"
Bring hope along, tell her “Sing, you, a song”
Have her sing of her travels and flights
In fact, go ahead and call all travelers
Keep trying vainly to gather
Which direction things are headed and why
They won't tell you where they go, they know you
They know that you stupidly hope to evade them
They say, "You can try
You will keep trying
And you'll be right on the verge until you die
And then you'll find you will never find a place to hide"
We Squirm
Do you seriously believe that you will not be a prisoner?
Do you insistently try over and over to seem free in your life
In the ways you treat your loves, and delights, and your troubles, and fights, and me?
Well let me say “Yeah, go ahead and try”
But I say you will be captive along with me
We're stuck in the muck of our hearts
And the fear that we'll find that these feelings of ours start to seem like bars
So we squirm and sink deeper
Yes we wriggle into jail cells
But I say let feelings hold you
I say embrace your captors,
I say get to know them deep
Have no news you won't hear
Have no truths you won't tear
No hope that you'll find freedom
From your tyrant heart
Voice in Headphones
I'll no longer hide it
Yes, you move me to tears over and over
Every time I get it settled, you excite it
Every time I get my face dry, you sing
“It's not meant to be a strife
It's not meant to be a struggle uphill”
Now I know, so now I’ll no longer fight it
I’ll say, “Come on in little floating head at the door”
Who are you? Who are you, who has come to fill this room?
Well come on, welcome in
I'll no longer hide it
Yes, the way you say it stirs me to the core
Every time, no matter what, no matter who I think you are
Every time I hear you say “undo,” I do
And the tears fall
And the universe is shown
But who are you, voice in headphones?
Who?
What do I want with my life now that you're gone?
I want your ghost gone
What do I want with this wood now that it's sawn?
I want the stump gone and the land that it grew on
Oh black lagoon, you have my shoe, so I go shoeless
I go muddy, crawling through
Oh, what do I want with my home now that I'm gone?
I want the shades drawn and the overgrown lawn
I would gladly abandon a limb in the trap's jaw,
Just as long as I crawl on with no trapper to call on
Thorough and true, by stem and root, I know no one now
Now I say "Who?"
Dead of Night
I woke up in the dead of night
Oh, I die
No light, no shape, no sound but I
I was wide-eyed but saw nothing
Kneeling down, feeling around
I felt the fur of something
In total dark I felt the sleeping thing up
From tail to claws, from neck to fangs
It was the black wolf they call “Nothing”
And by its side, I curled and lied
I died into sleeping soundlessly
When I woke there was nothing beside me, of course
And the world was lit and growing
But I said "I know you're there, I feel your stare,
I feel your breathing blowing,
See your gnashing teeth and falling leaves,
Your beady eyes in apples glowing
Oh dead of night, hidden from sight
I know you are no dream
And I'm not dozing
See Me
I was a log in the waves last time you saw me
End over end, I was thrown
I endlessly groaned, "Hold my hand, won't someone come surf me?"
And of course no one came
You stood and watched the wash of water
Wedge me hopelessly into the sea wall
And there I stayed and quickly decayed,
Then we all swapped molecules
Now with the wave of my hand, I command you to see me
I'm more like a mountain this time, unmoving alpine decked in fog,
I'm concealed in snow clouds
You're the farmer below
And if you've seen my face once then through twelve cloudy months,
You will know I am there, behind curtains
You'll know mountain light
Through thickness of night
See me
Log in the Waves
Broken hearted and sad, I walk upright:
A dumb ape in a world of dumb apes,
A log in the waves
Knowing sorrow's always beside me, I walk upright
"O, crown of light!" I sometimes say,
"I know you're grand, but I must not forget my wife,
So I hold her hand"
And with the wide eyes sorrow brings, we see it all
Like logs in the waves, effortless through oceans squalls
And we know storms are relentless
So?
So are we
We will not leave
Sadness, my wife, and I are honest with each other
And in mornings, I reach my hand under the quilt,
Where she hides, to tickle her feet
And at my touch, she cracks a smile
Goodbye Hope
Hello my air, goodbye hope
Goodbye, also, to your ambushes
I say "goodbye ghost"
And watch it turn to white air,
Where I shine and float
Hello darkest fear, goodbye eyes-closed
In the lonely, lonely, lonely night,
In the long shadows, I fell to my knees in tears
And said "Sweetheart, hello"
Hello my heart, yes, goodbye hope
You know we will go steady
Say "Goodbye" and "No"
You'll find me fanning out my warm unfolding hands
Blindly let me go